Category Archives: Milestones

The Long Goodbye

August 8, 2019 – 10:11 am

Today marks the 901st blog post at Happy Medium.

And it’s the last.

Probably. I mean, never say never, right?

I’ve been working up to this for over a year. I had always wanted to end this blog officially, rather than letting it just fade away. Not that there’s anything wrong with that… but I wanted to have a definite beginning and end to everything here.

A couple of years ago, I decided to publish 1,000 blog posts and call it a day. Then, a few months later, I checked to see how many I had churned out, thinking I was sitting at around 900 or so. I was only at 788. That’s when I decided that 900 would be enough. When the action group I was working with decided to roll out #IHearYou on August 1, I was perfectly happy extending to 901.

But this is it. This is part of the reorganization of my life that’s been going on for a while now. My service on Maryland’s Advisory Council on Health and Wellness will end on September 30, and at that point, I will be completely free of ongoing commitments.

I guess the best way to explain it is to remind you first that I do not work in diabetes. The diabetes community is not where I make my living. I already have a (right now) more than full-time job.

A little less than seven and a half years ago, I started a blog. Then I started attending workshops and symposia and participating in clinical trials and going to blogger summits and #DSMA Live events. I facilitated at the Diabetes UnConference, started a podcast, was a speaker before groups a few times, and I sat on the state Advisory Council on Health and Wellness these past two years. Add in HealtheVoices and HIMSS and the other one-off things that have come up now and then, and it makes for a pretty busy life outside the office.

Over the past two years, I’ve spent more than half of my paid time off from work doing everything I just mentioned above. Add in additional meetings, phone calls, inteviews, and more, and it’s a lot. Again, diabetes is not my job. But increasingly, I’ve been treating it like a job.

What that also means is that it’s been about two years since I’ve spent even a full weekend one-on-one with Maureen, let alone a full vacation. Until this winter, it had been a few years since I had been back to Ohio to see my parents, who are in their 80s. I’m fortunate enough to have good friends locally, who I haven’t spent one-on-one time with for I don’t know how long. None of that is healthy.

This is not the end of my advocacy. It’s just the end of this platform for my advocacy. I’m not looking to do nothing in diabetes… but goodness knows, I need more work/life balance.

To say that this blog has exceeded all of my wildest expectations is to damn with faint praise. I never wound up on anyone’s “best blogs” lists, but I wasn’t really shooting for that anyway. I’ve always looked at writing, and really everything I’ve been involved with here, as a gift, as an honor, as a learning experience, even if it was testing a crummy device during a clinical trial or having to take time off from my job to go to work volunteering.

What’s next? I have absolutely no idea. And for the first time in my life, I’m not afraid of that.

I’m not going away. I’ll be involved in various things here and there, advocating with DPAC and moderating #DSMA and such. You can still write in to get your Champion Athlete With Diabetes medal. After all this time, I still love to write, and I plan to continue doing so. I also loved podcasting, and it would be fun to do that again. But not here, and not as often. But then again… who knows what the future will bring?

I’d also like to look into participating in clinical trials again, if I’m not too old by now. I’d like to sign up to do another long bike ride next spring or summer. I’d like to start going back to the gym again, something I also gave up in the last year as my schedule filled up. I think it would be fun to take an acting or a cooking class, even though I have no ambitions to be an actor or a chef.

I just need time to clear my head a bit, and give myself the opportunity to choose the one or two things I’d really like to do, instead of always saying Yes to everything.

I can tell you what I won’t be doing. I won’t be racing through airports or to train stations to catch flights or trains that were scheduled too close to the beginning or end of what I was attending. I won’t be filling out forms, answering the same questions designed to show commitment to my advocacy (i.e., begging) so I can attend something I want to get into. It’s not that I’ll never do those things again. But the situation has to be right, it has to feel right for me to go there.

To those of you who have read along with me, through thick and thin, through these 901 posts, and through this long, last goodbye, Thank You. I hope we can stay in touch.

To those who have served with me on projects and on committees, and at conferences and advocacy events and everything in between… I’m afraid I can’t fully express my gratitude for accepting me as an equal, and in some cases, providing opportunities that I will never forget. I hope I’ve been able to pay it forward, and I will continue to try to do so.

To the entire diabetes community: I will never be able to thank you enough for pulling me out of my despair eight years ago and making me feel like I had worth in this world. I truly hope I can continue to compound your kindness in the future, helping others who are today in the place I was then.

After attending Kim Hislop’s memorial service in June, a few of us had dinner at her favorite restaurant in New Hampshire. I never order off of the drink menu, but after seeing this one, I had to order it, for both of the farewells I was going through and didn’t want to let go of:

It’s called The Long Goodbye.

It’s been a long time coming, and it’s certainly not easy, but it is finally time to say Goodbye.

Thank You.

By StephenS | Tagged , , | Comments (14)

Seven. Seven. Fifty-Seven.

April 9, 2019 – 10:11 am

A quick check of the calendar reveals that it’s an important week.

My great niece is now seven years old. Also, this blog turns seven today. And I am now fifty-seven years of age.

It’s ironic, isn’t it, such simple math surrounding a blog that focuses on a condition that involves daily imperfect equations?

I’ve been trying to think of how things have changed in seven years at this web address. Probably, subjects have changed due to how the diabetes landscape has changed over the years.

Mostly, that’s good. There have been some fantastic developments over the years, from closed looping to new insulins to advanced advocacy from super organizations that do more than ever before to help people get their voices heard, and help those who need it most.

I am happy, and honored, to talk about all those things.

I don’t think there have been enough recipes here. I love cooking, but not everything I make can be written down in perfect amounts. There’s a lot of some-of-this and a little-of-that in my cooking. But I need to post a couple of new things I’ve tried. They were delicious.

I’ve managed to give away about 85 Champion Athlete With Diabetes medals, to people as close as Pennsylvania and Virginia, and as far away as New Zealand and Mumbai. But I haven’t given away any for a while, and I still have plenty to give away, so write me!

I’ve written a lot in the last couple of years about the way we communicate with one another. Doctors to patients, patients to industry, industry to everyone. I try to be as fair as possible.

I think I’m not as quick to get upset about things as I might have been seven years ago. I hope so. I still like to take my time, think about an issue, and see if there’s something there that no one else, including myself, has considered.

I haven’t always published everything I’ve written. Some things are better left unshared. On the other hand, I’m looking forward to sharing more in the future, whether it’s here or somewhere else.

I love my great niece. And I love her choice in birthday party food: fried chicken. I’m glad to be here today, even if I do feel older than ever. It’s not all bad.

Seven years of blogging about diabetes is not something I thought was possible back in 2012. But I love to write, so here I am. In seven years, I’ve gone from not doing anything or knowing anyone, to being busier in diabetes than ever.

I’m more than grateful for the support of our great Diabetes Community, and the opportunities that have come my way to meet and interact, virtually or in real time, with some of the most special people I will ever meet.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare for two important diabetes-related meetings today. And my regular job on top of that. Life goes on. Thank you so much for reading. I’ll catch up with you again in a couple of days.

By StephenS | Tagged , , , | Comments (3)

Transitioning into year 29

February 5, 2019 – 10:11 am

It dawned on me over the weekend… Last week, I hit the 28th anniversary of my diabetes diagnosis. Given the fact that I’m 56, nearly 57, I’ve now lived about half of my life with this condition.

I have to be honest. I’m just too busy these days to consider the impact of another diaversary. There is too much going on in my personal and professional life to spend much time worrying, celebrating, or even contemplating what 28 years means.

Just reading that gives me the willies. But I’m working on it. I’ve been telling close friends that I’m working on unspooling my life over the next year or two.

My schedule is just wound too tight right now. It’s too full of things I don’t get joy from, and not full enough of things that make me feel good. So… unspooling is an operative word for me right now.

I don’t know what the end game of that looks like. But I’m not afraid of it either. It will probably involve transitions, and will probably involve things that I’m not involved in right now. But the focus is: more joy, less meh.

This isn’t just about diabetes advocacy. It’s about everything. I’m not spending enough time with friends and family. I’m not enjoying my time off enough. I’m not challenging myself anymore… I’m just checking off the boxes.

I think the positive thing is that I’m in a good place with my diabetes. My numbers are good. I have to choose a new insulin pump in the next nine or ten months, but I’m not too worried about that. I’ve come to grips with the everyday CGM ups and downs, and I’m okay with that too.

As a result, I think I’m starting to consider what the next phase of my life will look like. I’m not in the next phase yet, but instead of living in the moment (or even worse, living in the past), I’m actually looking forward, and I like what I see in the future.

The passage of time isn’t always bad. We learn from what we’ve experienced, and we can certainly look back and say 1) I’m glad I lived through it; and 2) I’m glad I don’t have to go through that again.

And it informs what we do going forward, hopefully in a most positive way. I like how year 29 of my diabetes is shaping up. Watch this space for more in the coming months!

By StephenS | Tagged , | Comments (2)

2018: Happy Exhaustion

December 27, 2018 – 12:11 pm

Can you believe we’ve almost made it through 18 years of this century already?

The latest trip of our planet around the sun has been one where I was actively involved in something (and often, more than one something) throughout the year. At times I felt tired, accomplished, tired again, and honored.

One thing is for sure: I’m not finished yet. There is more to do, and while I’m looking forward to working on many of the same projects, I’m also looking forward to changing things up now and then.

For now though, it’s time to reminisce, and consider the year as a whole:

That included previewing the Freestyle Libre, which I found to be reliable and easy to use. I’ll stick with my Dexcom for the alerts, but the Libre gives all of us more choice, and that’s good.

The news wasn’t all good this year. I was among the many who grieved over the loss of our friend Judy Reich. It’s still so hard to believe she’s gone, and I’m proud of the Diabetes UnConference alumni who made the trip back to Las Vegas for her memorial service.

Speaking of Las Vegas, I found the HIMSS (Health Information and Management Systems Society) annual conference to be huge, crowded at times, primarily focused (as you might expect) on business rather than patient outcomes, and exhilarating all at the same time. The information gathering was like drinking from a fire hose sometimes, but I loved it.

Less than two months later I was traveling to Chicago for the first time in 30 years, to attend HealtheVoices18. Seeing old and new friends living with diabetes and 40 other chronic conditions did a lot to recharge my batteries and help me to be inspired all over again. Also, I was honored to be asked to take part in something later in the year. I’ll get to that in a minute.

In June, I took a day off from work to go to Bethesda, Maryland to do a little video shoot. The backstory is, I didn’t think it went too well, I didn’t look my best that day, and I was sure everything I recorded was going to be left out of the compilation that was being put together. But I was wrong… at AADE in Baltimore in August, the #LanguageMatters video debuted before about 3,000 diabetes educators. I couldn’t have been prouder of my diabetes friends who were a part of this video, and I’m so grateful to Deborah DeMore Greenwood and Mytonomy for giving me the chance to participate too.

Also that weekend, I shared an incredibly poignant moment with someone who helped me many years ago. In fact, my best moment at AADE didn’t happen at AADE at all.

I can’t believe it’s already been almost three months since the DPAC Policy Training Meeting in Washington, D.C. I learned a lot over that weekend, and I was so happy to be allowed to use my voice to bring important diabetes issues before congressional staffers. Keep your eyes open folks… there should be more of this kind of activity in 2019.

Now, back to that Chicago trip in April. I was pulled aside by one of the attendees, who is one of my best diabetes friends, and asked to help with trying to pull off a Diabetes UnConference alumni weekend gathering in the fall. Without an UnConference in 2018, many of us were missing our tribe.

I don’t know if I personally pulled anything off, but I helped with what I could, and there was a Diabetes UnConference alumni gathering, coordinated by UnConference alumni, in New Orleans in early October. To everyone there, I must have looked like a tired mess (because I was), but it was incredibly satisfying to spend time with 20 other friends who are quite different except for the failed pancreases we all own.

One of the things I enjoy very much is speaking to people about diabetes, and why patient communities online and off are accomplishing great things. I got a chance to do that a few weeks ago in front of a Jewish women’s group locally. As usual, I started off worried I wouldn’t have enough content to fill my time, but wound up going over time anyway. Time well spent, for sure.

Through the year as all this was going on, I managed to write about 95 blog posts, put together fewer podcast episodes than I would have liked, moderated many #DSMA Twitter chats, attended another Friends for Life Falls Church event, and continued working for the citizens of my state on Maryland’s Advisory Council on Health and Wellness. Oh, and I continue to serve on the Reader Panel at Diabetes Forecast magazine (published by the American Diabetes Association).

Next year… well, let’s worry about next year next year, shall we? For now, I’m happy to look back on a year when I was very busy, but very happy to be exhausted at the end of it all.

I hope your 2018 has gone as well as possible, and I wish you all the best in 2019. Thank you for being a part of my life. I support you… no conditions.

By StephenS | Tagged , | Comments (2)

Another Blogabirthday.

April 9, 2018 – 10:11 am

Today, Happy Medium turns 6. Today, I turn 56 years old. And yes, even though I’m not close to retirement, I’m at least doing the math.

Another Blogabirthday is here.

The 788 blog posts I’ve shared, including this one, have meant so much. This website has given me an extended chance to speak about subjects that have been very important to me.

Okay, there have been recipes and vacation recollections I’ve shared too, but I keep coming back to the main purpose of this blog: To connect, to share my thoughts, to serve as a platform for learning and sharing what I’ve learned. Also, to serve as a personal journal of sorts, so people reading this after I’m gone can see what it was like living with diabetes in the mid 20-teens.

It can’t all be seriousness and clinical thinking though. If that’s what this was about, I think I would have lost my inspiration for it a long time ago. While posts have been a little less frequent in the past year, they’ve still been regular, and that brings me to this thought:

I really, really like writing here. If you write a blog too, you might have a sense of this, but if you don’t, I don’t know if there’s a way to describe how blissful I feel every time I sit down to write something. It never seems like a chore.

This is one of the only places in my life (maybe the only place in my life) where no one can tell me what to say or how to say it. Every time I think about that, I almost get chills thinking of how absolutely free that makes me feel.

There are still many of us writing out our thoughts, educating others, and chronicling our lives online. I’m not unique. I think if you were to ask all of us for a memorable moment from blogging or other social media activism, my guess is we’d all recall something that had a direct impact on the life of one individual.

Readership at Happy Medium has gone up and down and up again over the years. I don’t pay too much attention to the stats. What I pay attention to is when I can express something that makes someone feel better, either physically or emotionally. That makes me want to come back to the keyboard and do the same for someone else, because no one should have to feel like they’re alone living with diabetes.

It’s as true as when I wrote this almost five years ago:

“If you’re only reaching one person, that one person is the most important person in the world… Your story is the most important one in the world to the person moved by it. Don’t let down the one person who needs to hear you.”

Whether you make that connection online or off, this is what makes the Diabetes Community special. Share your story. Use your freedom. Never take it for granted.

By StephenS | Tagged , , , | Comments (2)
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