I’m pretty matter-of-fact when it comes to managing my diabetes.
I try to find the best way to handle things I can, and then I just put my head down and do what needs to be done. No fanfare… just do it. There’s no reason for me to complain about what I have to do, though I completely understand when someone does. But I try to avoid that, because I still have to do these things to keep living a decent life.
Much to my dismay, a simple site change Monday night made me realize that sometimes, even I have difficulty with the day-to-day maintenance of diabetes.
For those of you not in the know, a site change is when the infusion site for my insulin pump is nearing the end of its life cycle. According to the U.S. FDA, that’s three days. According to me, it’s as long as the insulin in my reservoir holds out (around five days with a 300 unit reservoir, 3 1/2 to 4 days for a 200 unit reservoir).
Site changes are no big deal, until you realize you’re removing something that’s been attached to you, under your skin, for a few days, and replacing it with another thing that will be attached to another part of your body for a few days. If you’re me, you have to insert the cannula (the plastic tube through which the insulin will flow) using a 9 millimeter needle you have to voluntarily jab into your skin at a violent speed. You know, no big deal. You just have to do this every few days.
What I just described is (usually) not a huge event for me. After six-plus years of pumping, I’m pretty used to it. But for the first time in a long time, Monday was different.
I came home from work with less than 20 units left in my reservoir. My pump had been beeping about the low reservoir for a couple of hours already. At this point, I’ve known for days that I needed to do a site change at this time, and instead of doing the site change, I sat down and ate dinner. I also sat around after dinner. I watched the news, I checked my e-mail, I talked with The Great Spousal Unit. What I did not do was a site change.
Eventually, I had to do it. Now it’s nearing time for bed, and I don’t have enough insulin left to last through the night, and I finally resign myself to the fact that yes, this must be done now.
And I did the site change, but not without some grumbling and swearing and loud complaining because my first two tries at getting the cannula in failed. Looking back on it, I know I must have looked like a spoiled child throwing a temper tantrum. I was not a happy camper.
Just thinking about all this makes me feel guilty, because, hey, at least I have access to tools like this that afford me lots of flexibility in getting the one drug I cannot live without. On top of that, I know that through the lens of the Diabetes Online Community, many times it looks like we’re rock stars when it comes to tackling the tasks necessary to keep our A1cs as low as they can be.
If you look at it from either of those two points of view, you’re likely to say Suck it Up, dude. Deal With It. And you’d be right. I’m not looking for sympathy here. I’m really just trying to describe my experience and get it down in writing. And maybe find some answers.
What I do know right now is: often I am the rock star. And sometimes, like Monday, I’m not. Is it the same for you? Do you ever find yourself sailing along, then confronted with the notion that maybe things aren’t sailing along so smoothly?