Just stop it already.

What a beautiful weekend of weather we just experienced here in the Mid-Atlantic. Sunny days, highs in the 80s. The Great Spousal Unit and I worked on getting things uncovered and cleaned up on our screened porch off the back of our house. These are the days that feel just fantastic outside.

So I was certainly excited at the possibility of getting on my bike for an actual outdoor ride for the first time in six months. I had too much to do on Saturday, so I knew Sunday was the day. On Sunday, there were pressing issues at home that required my attention. But I planned things out so I could do my ride beginning at 2:00 in the afternoon.

I had a high-carb lunch about 12:30. I made sure not to bolus too much, knowing I would be out in the hottest part of the day burning off those carbs. I got my bike out, checked everything to make sure it was okay, inflated the tires, and changed my clothes. To be sure, I did a quick glucose check before I got started.

The result: 55 mg/dL

What made it worse was the fact that I still had a unit and a half of insulin on board. So I knew that even after stopping my pump and ingesting a few more carbs, it would take a while before I could raise my BG to the level that I would feel safe riding for an hour. I decided to just bag the ride and try to head to the gym on Monday morning before work.

I don’t generally go around feeling like everything is my fault. But if I ever do, it’s at times like this. I can’t tell you how much I wanted to ride this weekend. And when that 55 came in, I was pretty unconsolable. I’m feeling pretty out of shape (pretty much like I have at this time every year for the past thirty years), and I hate when I miss opportunities like this weekend.

But… I’ve got to just stop it already. Sure, Sunday’s ride was a bust, and I think it’s okay to be very unhappy about that. But I also know I can’t change it now. The only thing I can do is the absolute best I can do today. Yesterday was a point of disgust for me. I’m not above using it for motivation to crush those feelings of feeling crushed today and the rest of this week.

I hope you’ll join me in feeling that way, both about my preparation for the ADA’s Chesapeake Bay Tour de Cure in May, and about your daily journey with diabetes. It’s not about your diabetes. At least it doesn’t have to be about your diabetes. It can be about the great life you’re living. Or at least about the inspiration you provide in trying your best every day despite this stupid diabetes. Just stop it already. You are worth the journey. And you are worth far more than whatever you’re going through.

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  • Laddie  On April 14, 2014 at 10:21 am

    You’re right that many of us would look at that BG of 55 and blame ourselves. And after your high carb lunch with a reduced bolus, you were probably equally likely to get a BG of 250. And that would have been your fault too! This T1 stuff is hard and no wonder most of us are just a bit bonkers:-)


  • theperfectd  On April 14, 2014 at 10:41 am

    I think you and I are connected telepathically. My blog post today was about my fault, too.


  • scully  On April 14, 2014 at 2:50 pm

    aarrrrrgh! YES YES YES!
    i echo everything you wrote.


  • Kate Robertson  On April 14, 2014 at 6:46 pm

    Your post made me feel better. Not that your ride was squashed sunday but that
    im not alone ‘when diabetes ruins a ride’. Birthday last week. Had a day off. Organised a ride and lunch afterwards. Really really looking forward to it. Had a hypo the night just before and looked at pre-breakast reading 19.9 (358) with double arrows up from the dexcom. Was so disappointed, but thought i will just wait and ride later in the afternoon. Not to be, had breakfast and 10mins later,
    dexcom beeped double arrows down. Definitely on the glucocoaster and a ride would only make it worse. Was so disappointed. On a positive note, rode the next day and it made the ride so much sweeter and diabetes didnt behave like the ***** it is. Hope you can fit in another ride soon.


    • StephenS  On April 14, 2014 at 10:06 pm

      Thanks Kate… your comment made me feel better. Glad you got your ride in, and that’s what I’m aiming for too. Thanks!


  • Karen  On April 21, 2014 at 1:39 pm

    These are very wise words – it can be so hard to blame ourselves when things go wrong. But from what I see, you did everything right. Ate carbs, under-boluses. Diabetes was just being stupid once again. I admire your attitude though!!


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