Tag Archives: relationships

Offline encounters…

July 13, 2015 – 12:20 pm

I’ve gotta be honest… I almost never come across someone living with diabetes in my daily life. Well, maybe I should quantify that: There are 30 million people in the USA living with diabetes, so there’s a pretty good chance I cross paths with one or more of those people every day.

But I don’t see the outward signs of diabetes, like someone testing in public. I never encounter anyone with an insulin pump unless it’s at a diabetes conference or get-together. Not even at my endocrinologist’s office.

That’s why I feel weird when I read about someone’s talk with another pump user, or hear about someone’s impromptu experience helping someone they don’t know through a low. That kind of thing just simply does not happen in my life.

I used to think I wasn’t looking hard enough. That these moments, these people, were out there waiting to be discovered, and I was somehow missing them in my singular focus to go from point A to point B.

But… no. That’s not the case. Even when I thought I found someone using a pump, it turned out to be an iPod or something similar. From time to time, I’ve come across used lancets or test strips that someone’s discarded, but it’s been a couple of years since I can even remember seeing something like that.

Of course, there could be any number of reasons for this. I’m not even going to go into them here. It just seems like a waste of space.

Thinking about this makes me remember that I’ve wanted to start a local in-person meetup for some time. No, it hasn’t happened. I don’t know if it will happen this year even, but I’m thinking I really need something. Because my sense of connection to my fellow People With Diabetes seems to feel less connected at times, then punctuated with high notes when conferences or other in-person opportunities present themselves. That’s enough to keep me going, but I feel as though I’m missing out on the obvious benefits that result when pancreatically-challenged people meet and share one-on-one. How do I get more of this in my life? Or, flip side… would more of this make it feel less special?

I don’t know, and I don’t have any answers right now. Also, my life is far from empty. I am meeting new people, working on new things, engaging with PWDs in ways that do not involve speaking face to face. That’s not all bad. In fact, it’s been great.

I just don’t think I have a balance yet. Yeah, maybe balance is what I need to seek. Anyway, that’s how I’m feeling about my offline diabetes life right now. Next post: I’ll talk a little about my online life.

Do you seek out real life opportunities to share with People With Diabetes? Do they just happen? What has been a common thread in how you feel about these encounters?
 
 
 

By StephenS | Posted in Relationships | Also tagged | Comments (4)

Trust but verify.

March 20, 2015 – 10:37 am

There is a dance that we do.

The dance begins when I start packing. We’re not exactly walking on eggshells; we’ve been together too long for that. It’s more that kind of thing where one person doesn’t want to think about the fact that we’ll be apart, and the other doesn’t want to admit it.

The dance continues, almost uninterrupted, until I’m safely at my destination. Then the music almost stops for a while. As long as I’m in constant communication. As plans are made for my return, the dance turns into an almost giddy jitterbug that crescendos upon my arrival at home.

Then, as the dance begins to wane, there is a little more uneasiness. An almost tacit understanding that the descriptions of my experiences are expected and welcomed, as long as it doesn’t include certain subjects.

This is how it works with us after 21 years of marriage and 24 years of living with my diabetes. Worry that something will go wrong while I’m gone, and she won’t be there to help me. Concern that I’m enjoying myself, and also taking care of myself at the same time. Crazy as it seems, sometimes I need to be reminded that my health comes first. And her knowledge that I’ve made my health a priority is a very, very close second. In that regard, the term “détente” comes to mind:

Trust but verify.

This is a dance that goes on whenever I leave, for however long I’m gone, and a little after I’m back, whether I’m just going to the office for the day or going to another continent. The dance takes several forms, and often ends in frank discussions about how both of us feel about my diabetes and how it affects our relationship and our daily lives.

Trust but verify.

The dance changes, but the dance continues. I suspect it will continue for a long time. Because as the dance continues, our lives change. Our relationship changes. My hope is that it will grow stronger, but that I will also learn more about the concerns that are part of her world and make her the partner, the cheerleader, she is.

After all, who doesn’t want to be a better dancer?
 
 
 

By StephenS | Posted in Relationships | Also tagged | Comments (2)

Hard decisions.

June 3, 2013 – 9:42 am

You may have read in the last few months (because I’ve been kind of bragging about it) about a triathlon that’s on my schedule in just a couple of weeks. I’ve completed two triathlons before, both two years ago, and I’ve been excited about the idea to add another one to my list.

But it’s not going to happen. Over the weekend, I made a heartfelt decision to cancel my participation in the event this year.

Making this decision, and writing about it right now, is pretty emotional for me. I’m not a quitter. But I feel like a quitter, and thinking about it that way is particularly galling. I suppose I could just go out there, try my best, and somehow get myself through the event. But finishing like a weakling is not my style. And I think it would take everything I have to finish this time. If I could finish.

In reality, there are a number of reasons why I’m crossing this off my list. Only part of it is that I’m not in the kind of shape I would like to be in to swim, bike, and run over two hours. Part of why I’m not in the best of shape is because of how often I was sick over the first four months of the year. It was May before I could get on a steady schedule that would keep me getting stronger up to this point.

Being busier is a reason too, but not a good one. I’m still getting used to being busier than I have in both my work and personal lives in the last ten years. That’s a good thing for me. Being involved is good. But it also means that I have less time to hit the gym, or the road.

But ultimately, it comes down to the most important factor. When you’re involved in a relationship with someone, and you commit your lives to each other, you’re saying (among other things) that when you really need me, I’m going to be there for you. I got out and rode my bike for over an hour on Saturday morning, then came home to help The Great Spousal Unit clear away debris from two large tree limbs that had fallen in our yard. It smashed a lattice wall we had constructed some years ago, and took out a bench we had sitting there too. The cleanup required us to do about five hours of work in the hot sun before making a trip to the county dump to get rid of the lattice, the bench, and a couple of other things that needed to go.

If I had finished my ride and then run for about an hour, like I had planned, it would have meant that Maureen would have been left clearing away that debris all by herself. Because by the end of that ride and run, I would have been useless for the rest of the day. And the thing is, I’ve been doing that kind of thing to her a lot this Spring. Traveling to conferences and leaving her at home. Letting her do the yard work while I went to the gym. Granted, you’re going to do some of that when you’re busy, and when you’re training for an event that requires more than just a little stretch beforehand. But I knew that it was getting to be too much for her. I also heard her the hundred times when she suggested that I should call off the triathlon this year. Partly that was out of worry for my welfare, I think; and partly that was out of concern that she wasn’t getting enough help (let alone enough attention).

So while there are probably about a dozen reasons for me to call off this event, my spouse of almost twenty years is the one that tipped the scale. If I feel better in a couple of weeks (I gave blood again on Friday morning and Saturday’s work was especially tiring), I may make a last minute decision to participate. But right now, I’ve got to come to grips with being mad as hell at myself today, then get back to my reality tomorrow. Sometimes you do things you don’t want to because it’s right for someone important, and often that someone important isn’t even you.
 
 
 

By StephenS | Posted in Exercise | Also tagged , | Comments (7)