Piling Up

I’ve been getting to work early lately. These days, I’m usually at the office at 7:00 a.m. That involves rising around 4:30 or 4:45, getting showered and changed, getting breakfast, and right now, getting breakfast for The Great Spousal Unit too, before heading out the door around 6:15.

There are two reasons for the early mornings. To begin with, I want to get used to working this kind of shift, so when December gets here and it’s already dark at 5:00, I can be off and still get a little sunlight for an hour or so.

The other reason is because when I get off of work now, I’m usually going home and working on something additional. It may be a podcast episode (or, this week, a podcast glitch), it may be research for my Advisory Council duties, or other outside advocacy initiatives. It may involve blog post writing, or just things that need to be worked on around the house.

These days, I’m finding that things are really piling up, and I’m going at a pace that’s less than fully productive.

Even though it sounds like it, I’m not whining. I realize how fortunate I am to be involved as much as I am, and when I think of how I’ve fared at similar times of busyness in my past, I’m amazed that I’ve been able to keep from imploding completely this time.

But I’m 56 years old. That’s not ancient; as George Jones once said in a country song, “My body’s old but it ain’t impaired”. I’m still able to make an impact. However, I’m feeling like it may be less of an impact in some cases, because not everything is getting my undivided attention when I work on it. Is this how it is for everyone?

I’ve come to this realization due to a number of factors, and those signs mean I need to look down the road and plan some change. I’ve been missing or pushing back self-imposed deadlines for projects. Interviews I want to do are being put off until I have more time.

And I have that song going on in my head. I always have music playing in my head (if it’s not already playing in the room I’m in). Over the years, I’ve come to associate certain songs or certain artists with specific memories. That’s why the 1978 songs Hollywood Nights by Bob Seger, On Broadway by George Benson, and Blue Bayou by Linda Ronstadt, though very different songs, remind me of certain parts of my life back in high school.

Well there’s a song, one I’m not particularly fond of, and when it starts to go off on a never-ending loop in my head, I associate it with chaos in my life. And this week, it started running over and over again.

Perspective: A lot of my chaos is self-imposed. Looking at things reasonably, I think I’m handling life pretty well right now. But… I don’t know if you do this too… often, the more involved I am, the more perfect I expect things to be. And the more disappointed I am when they are not. It makes no sense, but that doesn’t keep me from feeling that way sometimes.

One of the other things that makes no sense is to expect to rid myself of all the chaos all at once. That’s not going to happen. Instead, it will be a gradual process, and once it’s over, I’ll (hopefully) be in a place that feels less busy, but just as satisfying and meaningful.
Here are the things I need to work on right now:

1. Change the tune. Play music… lots of music. Including music I don’t always listen to, like opera or zydeco. I need to push that never-ending loop out of my head.

2. Make a list of things I’m doing that I like, and things I don’t like right now. That may seem difficult. Surely, I wouldn’t be involved in something if I didn’t like it. But if I start listing everything, I’m sure I’ll identify the things that get my immediate attention versus things that don’t.

If I’m procrastinating on something, it goes into the Don’t Like pile. If I address something immediately because I’m worried about the fallout from not addressing it immediately, it will also go into the Don’t Like pile. The Don’t Like pile is the first place I’ll look to pare down what I’m committed to.

3. Fulfill my existing commitments. This may seem counter-intuitive, but if I say I’m going to do something, I need to do the best I can to come through for the people who’ve trusted me enough to accept my promises in the first place.

4. Be mindful about future promises. I still think it’s okay to say Yes to things, but I need to say Yes to things that fill my soul and make me happy, rather than things where I just hope the work will become worth it someday.

5. Breathe, and recognize that my life is not bad. Not, it could be worse, just that it’s not as bad as it sometimes seems to be. In fact, I’ve probably done some of that already, which has probably kept me from imploding. Also, I do have a couple of great things coming up that I’m very excited about. Both of those things indeed fill my soul and make me happy. So there’s that.

If you’ve actually gotten to this point, Thank You for letting me vent. I needed to get this down on paper, so to speak, and I’ll probably come back and refer to it again and again.

My life isn’t perfect right now, but it’s not terrible. I’m starting to understand the definition of the word meaningful. There will be changes coming up, though not right away and not all at once. But it’s all about body and mind. I’ve got to make new space for my mind to operate at full capacity again.

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  • Rick Phillips  On September 13, 2018 at 10:00 pm

    Stephen i am with you.. Oh not at 4:45, your on your own then. But otherwise I am with you.

    As I tell Sheryl, diabetes and RA keeps me out of bars at night.

    Liked by 1 person

  • n1iwr  On September 13, 2018 at 10:01 pm

    Steve, i can definitely relate w how ur feeling!! Since September rolled around things for me picked up faster than I can seem to keep up w!!

    U got this & ur doing an AWESOME job juggling everything!! I for one appreciate all u do in the advocacy world and I love ur blog as I’m sure many do!!

    And ur entitled to vent when and as often as u need to!! I find doing so keeps me from imploding!! Keep up the good work!! HUGS!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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