Sunny, Happy Days.

The weather in my part of the world got into the 70s last week. In February, when the average high reaches around 40-45 degrees Fahrenheit. Seven years ago around this time, we were under almost four feet of snow. This year, daffodils are blooming a month early, and tulips are beginning to push to the surface.
tulips_sjs
Despite this being evidence of global warming, I was actually glad to see sunshine and warm temperatures last week. I used the respite from winter to clean up the yard a little, play with the dog, and take on a couple of outside tasks around the house. Why?

Because that’s what you do when you have the opportunity. Days like these don’t come along often. I knew that if I just sat inside somewhere (though I did go to work), I would regret not taking advantage of the gift I was given. And when the weather turned cold again, as it did this week, the return of winter would feel twice as bad.

That’s true with my diabetes too. When I have a good diabetes day, everything is a little easier. Only a little sometimes, but easier. And happier. When that happens, I want to enjoy what I can, while I can enjoy it, without worrying about the bad diabetes day (like yesterday) that might show up at any time.

I’ve probably mentioned this before, but if I haven’t, here’s a little backstory: When I was younger, say, 18 or so, even though diabetes wasn’t a part of my life yet, I had a lot of the same attitude. Enjoy the good times, don’t stress over the bad times and what might happen.

Then I spent my 30s and part of my 40s working like a dog, while also living with diabetes. I didn’t take a lot of time off. I was afraid to spend a cent. Even in the good times, I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t worry about everything all the time. When I did try to let go a bit, I felt like I was going to be punished for not keeping a properly pessimistic viewpoint. I didn’t smile or laugh for a long time.

Without realizing it, I started eating poorly, I drank too much, and I seemed to get sick easily. My A1cs were horrible, and I didn’t know what to do to lower them. I wasn’t sure if I was depressed, but I knew I was really unhappy. I don’t want to suggest I was a hot mess; a lot of people have it a lot worse than I did. I think I had this view of how life should be for me, and what I was living wasn’t it. When you stare at that right in the face, it can really affect you. Too many expectations. Not enough self love.

Eventually, I was able to climb out of the doldrums I was in, and you know what? I found that one of my outlooks from when I was 18 was still true today. I can’t let the parade pass me by. I need to live, not necessarily in the moment all the time, but in the good moments all the time.

The bad times will come. And they will go. That’s what over a half century of living has taught me. But so do the good times.

I spoke a lot during those dark days of wanting to get my enthusiasm back. Even though I’m not the same person I was then, I wanted to find the joy I felt in my younger years.

When today features sunshine and warmth, I need to revel in it before today becomes yesterday. I suggest you do the same. Why? Because you totally deserve the joy. Not at someone else’s expense, like some of those people in Washington. You deserve a little fun and irreverence and unbridled happiness. A day in the sun. Feel the warmth.

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