This is the sixth year of Diabetes Blog Week, started by Karen over at Bitter~Sweet Diabetes. All of us diabetes bloggers are given a subject to write about each day during this week, and after we publish each day’s installment, we’ll go back and link our posts on her site. Want to know more? CLICK HERE.
This is day two of our seven day labor of love. Our topic today:
Keep it to Yourself.
Many of us share lots of aspects of our diabetes lives online for the world to see. What are some of the aspects of diabetes that you choose to keep private from the internet? Or from your family and friends? Why is it important to keep it to yourself? (This is not an attempt to get you out of your comfort zone. There is no need to elaborate or tell personal stories related to these aspects. Simply let us know what kinds of stories we will never hear you tell, and why you won’t tell them.) (Thank you Scott E of Rolling in the D for this topic.)
Well, as usual, that’s a great premise Scott. In fact, there are two things that I never share with everyone.
One of those things is my latest A1c result. This stems from some discussions that occurred within the Diabetes Online Community (or DOC) a couple of years ago, when people (people like me) would post what their A1c result was, and then some others in the DOC would feel like failures by comparing their numbers to mine.
Hey look, it’s not that I never tell what my A1c might be. But the fact is, since then, I haven’t revealed my A1c results right after the results come back from the lab.
Because, really, why? It’s just a number, there’s a lot that goes into it that might not be known, and saying how great my A1c is means I may not be telling the entire truth.
Which leads me to the second thing that I almost never share with anyone…
I have been through a fair amount (read: a LOT) of hypoglycemic moments in the past few years. I haven’t managed to have many really bad moments, but I still have been low more often than I would like. More often than I can count.
So, at least in a couple of cases, my terrific A1c results had to have been partly due to the fact that I was low a lot, which means I tiptoed on the line of heart damage, killing off brain cells, you name it, just so that every 90 day number looked good. It wasn’t a conscious thing. I just hate how I feel when I’m high, way more than I hate how I feel when I’m low. So I’ve done a lot to avoid being high. Which means I’ve gone low a lot. Which… well, you get the picture.
And here’s a bonus thing for you: I’m not sure I’ve been completely honest with my endocrinologist about this. Admitting this now kinda sucks, because I have my regular appointment with her on Thursday, and if she reads this before our appointment, it may not go so well.
But… there is some truth in the knowledge that admitting your problems is the first step on the road to being better. I’ve proven that I can get my A1c down to an awesome number. Now I need to prove I can do it by staying in a safe range more often, rather than evening out highs with deep lows.
Such a thing seems incredibly difficult to me now. But you know what? I am worth the effort. Whatever you’re dealing with… You are worth the effort too. Every time.