Tag Archives: lows

Imperfections.

February 16, 2016 – 9:08 am

What is it about diabetes that just knocks us off our game now and then?

Nothing about diabetes is wonderful, unless you count the people you meet who are dealing with the same things, either by living with diabetes themselves, or living with someone who lives with diabetes. The rest of it pretty much sucks.

Still, sometimes we put on airs of “I’m a tough hombre” because we deal with everything this disease throws at us, and yet we get through it… we’re strong enough to suffer the slings and arrows that diabetes sends in our direction, and often we emerge from the battle stronger than ever. How many people with completely healthy bodies do you know who can put up with what we put up with on a regular basis?

I can’t say that’s how I was feeling the other night when I went to bed. But it had been a long time since I’d experienced an overnight low, and nothing about that Thursday night was any different from a thousand Thursday nights before it.

Insert diabetes… begin chaos.

I woke up around 1:30 a.m., feeling sweaty, and a little irritable. If I’m sweaty at this point, it means my blood glucose level has already sunk pretty low. Normally, when this happens, I just need to get up, go downstairs, get the juice from the fridge… I’m good. This night, I didn’t, couldn’t, get to the fridge. Instead, I sucked down a juice box sitting next to the bed. Then another. Then a package of peanut butter crackers. Then some candy. Then some peanut butter. Another juice box. In all, it took around half an hour for me to actually feel like myself again. Like I could even stop to check my BG. Prior to that, it was all about feeling well enough to remain upright.

Therein lies the problem with feeling like you’ve nearly nailed your management of diabetes. You get surprised when you least expect it. It’s also the point where a lot of People With Diabetes feel a lot of guilt. I was a little guilty in this instance. I had a snack that evening that I probably over-bolused for. It happens. It happened Thursday night. But unless I make a habit of it, I’m not going to feel bad about it. That kind of thing doesn’t work for me. And while I don’t want to tell you what to do, I think you should consider what I’m saying here.

This might sound a bit harsh, but when it comes to diabetes, guilt is for suckers.

It’s not that we’re perfect… no way are we perfect. But what’s done is done, and feeling any guilt about anything that happens to you because of a disease that you did nothing to contract is like blaming your parents for your eyes being brown. Sure, your parents had a lot to do with it, but your eyes are still brown. After the moment passes, we still have diabetes.

So Friday came, I went to work (tired and hungover and a little afraid of my next bolus), and I continued living. That’s the final victory.

If you want, think of it this way: our imperfections are only a trivial botched play in the middle of an otherwise victorious game. If we live, we win. I want to improve my game so I’ll be successful more often. But I’m also going to realize that sometimes, a botched play is going to happen anyway, and the best way to deal with a botched play is to make it trivial by making the rest of the game spectacular.

I’d rather concentrate on the spectacular.
 

By StephenS | Posted in Lows | Also tagged , , | Comments (6)

Frustrated, but okay with it (sort of).

October 5, 2015 – 9:24 am

Do you ever experience a low where someone really goes out of their way to help you, when you don’t really need it, and it’s kind of annoying?

This wasn’t help during a low… this was, unfortunately, hindrance.

About three minutes earlier, I felt like I might be low, and tested out at 58 mg/dL. I started to eat some candy I keep in a jar on my desk at work. I suspended my pump, for what that was worth, and I was sitting quietly, not doing anything. Just concentrating on the one thing I needed to do in that moment, which was eat the candy (or, as some might call it, Stephen-eat-the-cheeseburger), and nothing else. Then someone came by, and noticed I was low. Before I knew it, I heard “Come with me… do you have something in your desk?… Here, I got your juice… drink it. NO, DRINK IT… NOW”.

My co-workers have come a long way in their understanding of diabetes, and especially their understanding of the dangers of hypoglycemia. But a few days ago, I came to the realization that there is a big difference between basic knowledge of highs and lows, and knowing about the nuances of diabetes.

I was definitely low in this instance. No doubt about that. But I was already treating, and as we all know, ingesting something now does not mean my BGs will come up at the very moment that fast-acting carbs are ingested. It takes fifteen minutes or so. Nothing I can do about that.

But it’s very hard for people who don’t live with diabetes to just sit there and wait, or even understand what it means to sit there and wait those fifteen precarious minutes. Especially when they’re worrying about you.

I have to tell you… it warms my heart to know that the people I work with are so eager to help when I hit a bad low. By the same token, it takes more than just literally shoving a juice box in my face and expecting me to be okay. The truth is, I would have been okay eventually, even if I was the only one there.

The thing is, it’s easy for me to be frustrated, because my low wouldn’t have been so difficult had I been left to my own devices. I was sitting in a chair at my desk, eating candy. My pump was off. I knew it was going to take a bit, but I knew I would eventually be okay. I didn’t need the extra grabbing and juice shoving and holding the juice so all I had to do was drink it. I also could have done without the “It’s because he’s stressed… the stress is making him low” comments.

But… how can I be unhappy about the level of concern and effort put into this moment? In reality, I cannot expect someone who doesn’t live with diabetes to know the difference between what 74 mg/dL feels like, and what 44 mg/dL feels like. And they really wanted to help me. How can I complain about that?

In the end, for all of the frustration, it’s just another brief episode in life with diabetes. I need to go through the mental checklist, examine the moment, and see if there’s anything I could have done better. To not do that would be folly. If it turns out it was just one of those crazy lows that happens from time to time despite our best efforts at diabetes management, then I just have to let it go. And thank everyone who tried to help me.

And be happy that there are people who want to help when I need it, even if I don’t need it all the time.
 

By StephenS | Posted in Lows, Work and Diabetes | Also tagged , , | Comments (2)

Saturday Night.

August 10, 2015 – 9:04 am

It was Saturday, about 6:00 p.m.

My BGs had been running high all day. It was time for dinner, and since I try to pre-bolus whenever possible, I washed my hands (like I almost always do), did my pre-dinner check, and saw that I was 138 mg/dL.

I was just making a sandwich and eating a tomato for dinner… no big deal, except that bread seems to spike my post-prandial numbers a bit. So I bolused based on that 138 number and continued watching the L.A. Dodgers and Pittsburgh Pirates game on TV.

Pre-bolusing being what it is, I had expected to wait 15-20 minutes before eating. About ten minutes after my bolus, I felt what I thought was a sign that I was low: A feeling of shakiness, sort of like I was sinking, and a suddenly overwhelming hunger.

But I had been high all day. I was 138 mg/dL just ten minutes before, right? In the next five minutes, the following occurred:

– I went back into the kitchen to test again. The result: 48 mg/dL.

– I grabbed the juice bottle from the refrigerator and, carefully, a glass from the cabinet. Somehow, I got the glass and the juice on the counter just before I slunked down on the kitchen floor.

– Now I’m trying to (again, carefully) get the glass and juice off of the counter and onto the floor next to me so I could drink it. I didn’t know if I could get back up again until I could get my BG back up again.

– After trying for what seemed like a long time, but really wasn’t, I was no closer to getting the glass or the juice off the counter, but I had managed to lay flat on my back, feeling very sleepy, if that makes sense.

– Somehow, something inside me made me realize that I needed to get up to the counter to get my juice. I had no other choice. Again, it seemed to take a long time to stand up, but it wasn’t a long time after all.

I finally got my juice, and within 15 more minutes, I had eaten my sandwich and was feeling almost normal again. Except for the post-low hangover that comes with an episode like this. And it was significant.

Immediately after, I called The Great Spousal Unit, who was away, and let her know what happened and that I was okay.

Then I took to Facebook and recounted what happened. I also replied to some of the replies I received, and posted a little more too. I was so grateful to have people who understand help me feel better after an awful experience like that. Still, I generally don’t spend my Saturday night hanging out on Facebook, and that made me ask a few questions.

Was I really trying hard to connect after almost being permanently disconnected? Was I trying to keep a lifeline (so to speak) open in case of another low? Was I just trying to show how strong I am and that I was okay and no one should worry about me because I’m tough as nails?

Maybe it was a combination of some of those things. Plus this:

When you nearly lose your life (because, for worse or for worse, hypoglycemia is a near-death experience), you want to connect with the special people in your life and forget about anything else that doesn’t really matter.

Hypoglycemia sucks. Diabetes sucks.

As a person with diabetes, I am in a unique position to let the rest of the world know that we need the best accuracy possible from our glucose meters. We need Medicare coverage for seniors who simply must keep their continuous glucose monitor technology. We need artificial pancreas technology that will help read our glucose levels and adjust pump settings automatically based on reliable algorithms designed with patient safety as its first priority.

And we all need to have people to reach out to, to make us feel less alone when we’re at our most vulnerable. God bless those who don’t have anyone to turn to.

If you have no one to turn to when diabetes wrecks your evening, I encourage you to find the Diabetes Online Community. Search the #DOC hashtag on Twitter. Do a Google search for diabetes blogs. Or send me an e-mail. Don’t be alone.
 

By StephenS | Posted in Lows | Also tagged , , | Comments (5)

Hello, Mr. Middle-of-the-Night low.

July 1, 2015 – 9:30 am

Well hello there, Mr. Crazy out-of-nowhere-middle-of-the-night low.

It’s been a while, but as soon as I woke up at 2:15, felt strange, and put my hand on the back of my sweaty head (in the air conditioning), I knew you were back.

And it wasn’t just my head: my PJs, my pillow, my bed, everything was drenched with sweat. I didn’t even bother getting my meter to check right away. I just grabbed a juice box and started sucking back The Thing That Brings Me Back Up.

After a small snack and even more juice, about half an hour later, I was staring at 81 mg/dL on my meter.

I’ll bet you were thinking you could sneak up on me, right? You thought I had let down my guard, that I would just sleep peacefully right through it all. Until, you know, I wasn’t sleeping anymore.

The fact that I didn’t, that I actually did wake up and take the necessary steps to save my life, must have pissed you off. Because I had that awful post-hypo hangover that was only partially mitigated by a long, hot shower. Also, I had a 258 mg/dL on my meter this morning.

But that’s okay. I’m still here, Mr. Crazy out-of-nowhere-middle-of-the-night low. I’m still here. I bested you this time. I’m not giving up. And I’ve got my eye on you. So watch it.
 
 
 

By StephenS | Posted in Lows | Also tagged , | Comments (3)

Diabetes ain’t no sissy game.

May 1, 2015 – 12:56 pm

We’ve talked about this before…

Why is it that we are all so good at making life with diabetes look normal?

The reality is that life with diabetes is anything but. Diabetes is not for sissies.

– How many times have we worked hard, over a period of years, just to get our A1c down to a range that we and our endocrinologists can be happy with? How many times have we worked hard, over a period of years, to keep our A1c from growing higher?

– How many times have we voluntarily engaged in the tradeoff that includes using a sharp tool that causes us to bleed, just so we can help maintain our diabetes management?

– Pump users: How many infusion set changes have you completed over the course of living and pumping with diabetes?

– MDI users: How many injections have you had to endure over the course of living with diabetes?

– How many hypoglycemic moments has your diabetes included? Lows that knock us down… but often we get up and go on with our lives like nothing ever happened. And the people who we would most like to know, don’t have any idea at all what it’s like. Side note: I tell those people that I went through a near-death experience. Because I did. I want them to know how precarious the balance between high and low BGs really is.

– Show of hands: How many of us have had workouts that were cut short due to the fact that our bodies use insulin way better when exercising, and getting the basal/carb/exercise mix is difficult and ever-changing?

– Have you had an endocrinologist tell you that your A1c was high, and you’ve been trying so hard, and you just wonder if you should keep trying anymore? But you do, because, what’s the alternative?

– Did you get one of those unhappy A1c reports, or a high or low number on your meter, or a pump occlusion that causes you to do more than one set change in a day, or a low or high that just doesn’t seem to quit, but…

We forgive ourselves? That, my friends, is real bravery.

I haven’t even started on all the things that parents of kids with diabetes have to go through, much of which is even more out of control than what I go through.

There are many things that diabetes puts us through, on a daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly, year-by-year basis. Sometimes we can feel like a failure. Like we’re weak. Like we’re not as good as someone else. But nothing could be farther from the truth.

It’s easy to forget the fact that we’ve endured a lot, and come through it despite the tough moments (or weeks, or years) that come with living with a disease that is with us all the time, and is so volatile.

Fact: Diabetes ain’t no sissy game. If you’re living with diabetes, and you’re alive, you are a champion.

Have anything else you’d like to add? Feel free to tell me how you’ve endured through the months or years by leaving a comment below.
 
 
 

By StephenS | Posted in Additional Inspiration | Also tagged , , , | Comments (0)